"These pages will look best if you come round to my office and look at them on my monitor."
"We charge 50 cents per answer. However, there is a $2.00 accessment fee for correct answers"
"There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always complain about and those nobody uses."
"Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work."
"The object-oriented model makes it easy to build up programs by accretion. What this often means, in practice, is that it provides a structured way to write spaghetti code." (Paul Graham)
"Writing code has a place in the human hierarchy worth somewhere above grave robbing and beneath managing." (Gerald Weinberg)
"A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an idiosyncrasy."
"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it."
"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." (Henry Ford)
"When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code."
"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who can deal in binary and those who can't. (Frank Clarke)"
"Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant."
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
"Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen."
"An application that does something really great that people really want to do can be pathetically unusable, and it will still be a hit. And an application can be the easiest thing in the world to use, but if it doesn't do anything anybody wants, it will flop."
"One of the things that tools can do is to help bad designers create ghastly designs much more quickly than they ever could in the past."
"The purpose of desktop icons is to keep the customer happy during that critical period between the time of sale and the time the check clears."
"All computer/software problems are a result of human error. Some by the users and some by the engineers."
"What would you rather have to plow a field — two strong oxen or 1,024 chickens?"
"There's a simple way to find out if an operating system has been well designed. When you get an error message, go to the help system and look up the exact words in that message to see if there was enough of a concept of an architecture that they have a consistent vocabulary to talk about what's broken."
"Arguing that Java is better than C++ is like arguing that grasshoppers taste better than tree bark."
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
"If you think C++ is not overly complicated, just what is a protected abstract virtual base pure virtual private destructor and when was the last time you needed one?"